wedding madness
Matrimony Fever strikes again this weekend. An old friend is getting married Sunday. I already went to an engagement party, a bachelor party long weekend in Montreal (technically, this means we visited another country, though the strippers have no problem with the U.S. dollar), and went way out of my way to be fit for a tuxedo (I'm in the wedding party, but the entire wedding is black tie, which ensures that more people get to share the fun of renting uncomfortable clothing).
Now tonight, I'm expected to make another trip out to the tuxedo rental shop to try on the actual tux. Then this Sunday, I finally have the wedding; I've blocked out my Friday and Saturday nights anticipating that more wedding fun will kick in.
I have a friend who has a wedding coming up that had two separate, competing showers—both surprises for the lucky bride-to-be—thrown by her mother and the groom's mother, who don't get along. There was also, of course, an engagement party, and a bachelor party, and a party for the bridesmaids during the bachelor party (apparently two showers aren't enough), not to mention plenty of dress fittings. She's pulling her hair out, which sadly will give her hair stylist less to work with in her pre-wedding visit to the salon.
Worst of all, there are more weddings on the horizon. As soon as one of them wraps, it seems like another friend calls to tell me they just got engaged. I should be happy for them, and I am... but selfishly, it's also a little bittersweet. You mean I might need to rent another tux?
I've always said that when I get married, it'll be an intimate ceremony that'll steer clear of all the extraneous crap. But now I'm thinking about going in the opposite direction, to get back at all my friends who have put me through the paces with their weddings. First off, my wedding will be in Alaska. In the winter. And not in one of the populated areas—I'll find an area that's only accessible by dog sled. There will be at least four wedding-related events, all absolutely mandatory (unless the guest doesn't care about my feelings, snif snif), each at least a week and a half apart. At the ceremony, every attendee will be expected to offer a toast and/or memorize a complicated prayer in a dead language. There will be a large guest list; in fact, if you're reading this, you're invited. Bring something nice.
And yes, it will be black tie. You haven't lived until you've worn a tux on a dog sled.
Now tonight, I'm expected to make another trip out to the tuxedo rental shop to try on the actual tux. Then this Sunday, I finally have the wedding; I've blocked out my Friday and Saturday nights anticipating that more wedding fun will kick in.
I have a friend who has a wedding coming up that had two separate, competing showers—both surprises for the lucky bride-to-be—thrown by her mother and the groom's mother, who don't get along. There was also, of course, an engagement party, and a bachelor party, and a party for the bridesmaids during the bachelor party (apparently two showers aren't enough), not to mention plenty of dress fittings. She's pulling her hair out, which sadly will give her hair stylist less to work with in her pre-wedding visit to the salon.
Worst of all, there are more weddings on the horizon. As soon as one of them wraps, it seems like another friend calls to tell me they just got engaged. I should be happy for them, and I am... but selfishly, it's also a little bittersweet. You mean I might need to rent another tux?
I've always said that when I get married, it'll be an intimate ceremony that'll steer clear of all the extraneous crap. But now I'm thinking about going in the opposite direction, to get back at all my friends who have put me through the paces with their weddings. First off, my wedding will be in Alaska. In the winter. And not in one of the populated areas—I'll find an area that's only accessible by dog sled. There will be at least four wedding-related events, all absolutely mandatory (unless the guest doesn't care about my feelings, snif snif), each at least a week and a half apart. At the ceremony, every attendee will be expected to offer a toast and/or memorize a complicated prayer in a dead language. There will be a large guest list; in fact, if you're reading this, you're invited. Bring something nice.
And yes, it will be black tie. You haven't lived until you've worn a tux on a dog sled.
posted by Zackattack at 10:21 AM
1 Comments:
Better a cycle of bullshit than a funnel, with me on the receiving end.
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